Learning Trust Through Trials

As Christmas is approaching, I find myself in a point in life of new trust. I am praying for new trust everyday - in God's purpose for me in my relationship with him, in my health, in my career, in my future relationships, with my finances, and with my family. I have perhaps never been in a place in my life where so much is unknown. Come next May, a whole new life opens up to me. I am still waking up everyday with a headache. Some days they turn in to full migraines. I've been on so many medicines now I can't hardly remember all of them. Yet, I'm managing to make it through Law School somehow - just taking one day at a time. It's not the way I invisioned it, but maybe that's a good thing. I believe God has a plan for my life and that this health issue must play into it somehow. Yet, I can't help but feel as if these chronic headaches have taken away so much of my life. I am not always able to make social events. I am not able to be at my best with schoolwork except on my best days. I look back on how easy it used to be for me in High School and College and know if my headaches were just gone, I would be that person again. Still, I know that God is teaching me through this - to trust Him. It is a hard lesson to learn, but I'm learning it - and rejoicing in Him anyway. As Christians, we must rejoice. "Joy is not a luxury or a mere accessory in the Christian life. It is a sign that we are really living in God's wonderful love, and that love satisfies us."~ Andrew Murray

Christmas is right around the corner. I will rejoice and trust in my Savior. Jesus Christ has blessed my life to know just who You are.



"The basic premise of biblical trust is that the God and Father of Jesus Christ wants us to live, to grow, to unfold, and to experience fullness of life. Trust is an attitude acquired gradually through many crises and trials. Through the agonizing trial with his son Isaac, Abraham learned that God wants us to live and not to die, to grow and not to wither. He discovered that the God who called him to hope against hope is reliable. Perhaps this is the essence of trust: to be convinced of the reliability of God. Trust is purified in the crucible of trial. From the depths of a purified heart, trust clings to the belief that whatever happens in our lives is designed to form Christ within us."

~ Brennan Manning

A Sleepy Post (yawn)

I'm pretty sleepy, so this will be short. I've decided that it is very easy to let worry creep in until it starts to overwhelm you, so that action and personality even begin to bend to that worry. Sometimes, this worry can become so entrenched that it can, in a very real sense, take over your life. I think people who brood are classic examples. I've never considered myself a brooder, but I think as life goes on, it is easy to start letting worries pile up if one is not very, very careful to put them in God's hands as they come along. He will carry our burdens. He does not want us to worry. This is one of the most blessed, beautiful parts of being a Christian. There is this miraculous way that God takes our cares upon Himself and takes those burdens off our shoulders. Jesus says, "come to me, you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." We are told that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. We are to cast all our cares upon Him, and He will, give us rest. It is that easy. Yet, is it? In one aspect (a very real aspect), it is. When we do regularly make it a practice not to worry and to immediately give our burdens and worries to Christ, the peace of God "which is beyond understanding, will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians). I know this peace well. Yet, still life creeps in. Worry creeps in. I begin to hold on to fears, hurts, insecurities, problems, physical pain, and concern over others until it begins to feel as if I can't hold any more. Something I've learned about life, and although this may not be too profound, is that everyday brings another obstacle, another challenge, or another issue to resolve. Sometimes, they are small things that are very achievable with little effort. Other times, they are so significant that our lives may be changed. Sometimes you hear a phrase like "everyday, it is just one more thing." Well, as dismal as that statement sounds, it is very true.

Today, I found out that a very close cousin of mine has a cancerous node in her thyroid. It would be easy for me to begin to worry and stress over her and let it begin to burden me. Just thinking about it made me think of how much I have to worry over in my life right now - law school, eventually needing a job after law school ;), how God is going to use me in relationships, whether God is preparing a husband for me, making sure that I am being shaped into the woman God would have me be, how or when my health issues will finally resolve, other family members or friends that have health or other problems, and the everyday worries of making calls, studying, and taking care of my apartment and car. In a mini-epiphany, I began to realize that all of these parts of my life that are so easy to worry about have begun to weigh on me so that really bad news, such as I received today, can very easily become the straw that breaks the camel's back, you know?

My new resolve is to not allow worry to affect me this way. I will claim those scriptures on my life and give my burdens, cares, and worries to my Lord, who is fully apt to take care of them. I know His peace will be a great replacement. ;)

Crazy Story

It was like being in a movie...

I went home for a week or so after Spring finals ended. I was out with my parents one day and as we were rounding the corner of the Wall of China going through Bastrop (which is a whole other story), we were going to get one of those new grilled chicken snack wraps from McDonalds on our way home. So, we are about to turn into McDonalds when we notice there is an SUV turned on its side by the wall/overpass with a shattered windshield. There was a crowd of people staring at the SUV but no police or ambulance. So, we wonder if we should stop somewhere and try to help. As we are pulling around looking for a place to pull over, we see the guy inside the SUV push through some of the glass on the windshield. Well, a guy that was standing by started helping him pull the glass apart. He literally crawled through his shattered windshield to the outside. There was nothing wrong with him, but I bet his poor SUV was totaled. Anyway, I've never seen anything like that before. It was like being in a movie, seeing that guy crawl through the windshield of his car.

The Ranch

I'm headed to San Saba, TX today to spend a couple of days at my grandparent's ranch. My Mom's parents own a ranch called "Norris Ranch" with a creek running through it called "Rough Creek." I love going there. It feels like home even though it's not my home. I've never lived there, yet it seems like so many of my happy times growing up were spent there. I love walking along the trails and swimming at the swimming hole. I love fishing and cooking food over a fire. There is nothing quite like it.

My other grandparents live in San Saba too. They also live on a ranch, only on the other side of town. It's about a quarter of the size of the other one, but it is still so nice. When we were kids, we would walk around looking for arrowheads still left-over from the Native Americans who used to live in the area. There is a whole box full of them at my grandparents house. My Dad went walking the other day and found one. That was the first one we have found in several years. We thought we had completely finished searching the place, but it is so fun when we find one more! Those memories are so great.

My parents were high school sweethearts, so I think going back to San Saba can be refreshing for them. My Dad's dad is 96 - my Grandpa. I think part of the plan this weekend is for my Dad to go up to the bank with Grandpa and make sure all of his accounts are in order. We try to go up and see them more now that he is getting so much older.

I love going to the ranch. I hope someday I can take my future husband and someday my children. I think one can't ever quite know me until you've been to the ranch with me.

It's a part of my soul.

Bearing Witness

“But when the Counselor comes, whom I shall send to you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father, he will bear witness to Me.” John 15:26


I've decided to start blogging again. :) It seems that just as I deleted my old xanga because I didn't have anything to say or time to say it, I've had so many thoughts that I've wanted to share. So, to start, I'll explain the name of my new blog:

My Dad sometimes calls me "paracletos" as a sort of endearing joke between the two of us. Paracletos is Greek for "Advocate," "Helper," or possibly "Comforter." It is often used to describe lawyers. It is also used often to describe the Holy Spirit in the Bible as "comforter" and is used to describe Christ as "advocate." When I was at my parents' home church one Sunday, the Pastor spoke of a "paracletos" as a counselor, an advocate, or someone who "bears witness" for another.

I always knew that I wanted to be a counselor. I thought I would go to law school, or if the Spirit led, I would go to seminary and be a Christian counselor. I've always been intrigued by the law in general (American law, Hebrew law). I was home schooled for a while growing up which not a lot of people know, but the curriculum was different and a little more advanced, so I was reading a Government book in about 4th grade. I found it so interesting. My mom would laugh because I would sit and read this huge Government book for about an hour, but I had no interest in doing my division/multiplication or reading in my science book.

I have always been a little bit whimsical or contemplative. I love the Ann of Green Gables series because I identify with her in so many ways. For that reason, I found English Literature to be a world of wonder and majored in that in college.

I've often wondered why I have these two parts to myself - the artistic side and the practical side. I love being disciplined, having a deadline, and achieving goals on the one hand, but on the other, I love walking through the trees and wildflowers on my grandparents' ranch for hours without a thought to what time it is.

I know how much people need the LORD. For this reason, I often thought a great way to use my life would be to help people in their day to day lives - to find meaning, to find purpose, to find joy - to find Him. I thought I may want to do counseling.

Yet, here I find myself in law school. I've always wanted to be here for as long as I can recall. I've always liked law. I minored in Religion and Politics because I find it so fascinating. I love debating even though I've been out of real practice for so long.

I love being an advocate.


I love my Dad calling me a "paracletos" because I feel like it helps me find a sense of identity - a sense of who I am. I've never been able to make much sense of it - these two parts to my character. Yet, it is here in this word "paracletos" that it all becomes clear.

I am a counselor - an advocate - one who "bears witness." This is my purpose. As a lawyer or in Christian ministry, I know who I am. I know His gifting for me, and when I doubt or fail, I can appeal to the very highest advocate of all - My LORD is pleading my case for me to the Father and I know He cares for me. His intercession for me is the most blessed thing I can think of in life.



For those who are interested, here is more on the Biblical meaning of "paracletos:"

comforter - Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary : Comforter the designation of the Holy Ghost (John 14:16, 26; 15:26; 16:7; R.V. marg., "or Advocate, or Helper; Gr. paracletos"). The same Greek word thus rendered is translated "Advocate" in 1 John 2:1 as applicable to Christ. It means properly "one who is summoned to the side of another" to help him in a court of justice by defending him, "one who is summoned to plead a cause." "Advocate" is the proper rendering of the word in every case where it occurs. It is worthy of notice that although Paul nowhere uses the word paracletos, he yet presents the idea it embodies when he speaks of the "intercession" both of Christ and the Spirit (Rom. 8:27, 34).